This morning, I got up at 4:30 to go pray. Yep, me. There are two things in that very short sentence that will shock a bunch of people I know. 1. I got up at 4:30. 2. To pray. And, I plan on doing it again tomorrow.
And then, we leave one of the most amazing places I’ve ever been. With serenades of car horns and the lights of the city of Mumbia in the background, Radhagopinath Temple is a sanctuary of love, devotion, and service in action. The community here has touched my soul with joy and happiness and awe. The air is filled with the Maha Mantra and everyone is welcomed with love and acceptance.
As a woman, in this community, I have many questions and worries. I wonder what does the Hindu world, the Krishna Conscious world think of an outspoken, exuberant, ‘powerful’ western woman? I don’t do meek and mild mannered very well. I know, you’re shocked by that confession. The answer has been unfolding very beautifully. Though there are FAR fewer women than men and the Brahmacharis are the heart of the heart of community; I have felt watched over, protected, accepted (joyfully), included, and encouraged. Not only by the Brahmacharis as well as the women. I haven’t had an encounter yet where I haven’t felt like there hasn’t been a Mataji (Mother) looking out for me and many sisters including me. I have done some Men’s and Women’s work on my path and am eternally grateful for it in this moment. To have reverence and understand the differences between the Brotherhood and Sisterhood is serving me well. Instead of being resentful of the fact that I can’t ‘play’ with the guys, I get to feel a part of the fold of the girls. I honor the men and their initiations and their circles and after an initial glance toward the love filled mosh pit (Thanks Vanessa for that description, it’s perfect), I didn’t look back because us women were doing our own dance (the Indian Electric Slide) and it was lovely. I continue to have questions and they will continue to get answered I’m sure; and I look forward to the continual unfolding.
There is so little I feel like I can ‘write on paper’ about the last few days because no matter the situation, I keep coming back to gratitude. I am so excited to learn, see, do and I am speechless in gratitude of what I have seen, learned and done. I am a mix of reverence, observance, wonder and joy that my life has brought me to this moment.
And the FOOD???? I mean, the food is absolutely incredible! I am in heaven with food... Just saying.
So much is so deeply personal, I haven’t found a way to express it yet. So, hopefully you can be happy with my sincerest gratitude.
Jai (victory) Life
Jai
Jai
Jai
~Dylan
Words of Advice:
I am in, by no means, a position to offer advice; however comma. Don’t quit your job, change your life, beg, cry, demand, I mean really beg, pray, get on your knees on the earth, beg, lie on your bathroom floor begging for your life to change; if you don’t want it to.
I did all of that, and it has. Many people have likened my journey to “Eat, Pray, Love” a fantastic book. Mine is different order and looks different; however, I definitely have had a “bathroom floor” moment(s) (okay, I’ll cop to many bathroom floor moments). I definitely have had to take some serious “stock” of my life and look at where I am in it and decide if it’s a life worth living. Not that I was ever close to suicide, just that I had pretty much lost all hope. I was on the bathroom floor, many of those times puking because I’d been out drinking myself stupid the night before. Then, when I’d built up enough tolerance to not be a puker, I was on the bathroom floor because I couldn’t get out of bed or cried on my way to work, every day. It was a bleak picture for me. I felt stuck, I was. I felt trapped, I was. So, I begged, begged. I actually started praying to God back then because I needed something to prove to me that “this” was going to change. I was one of those, “You know God,” I said, “this is kind of your last chance. I need you to show yourself to me because I need something, anything to go right. I’ve never really truly believed in you and here’s your chance to prove to me that you do exist.” Then my boss got fired, thank God (really), and it was too late. I was too far gone. I knew, in my core, that I needed to change everything. So, I begged some more.
I went through the motions for some of the time. Because I was a big believer in “fake it ‘till you make it” mentality. I knew it could only get better. I mean, it had to right? I mean, seriously. I once went out drinking with my friends (thank GOD for them!!! They are the most amazing people on the face of the earth. Without them, I would have been in a horrible, horribly scary place), woke up the next morning and couldn’t find my keys. I walked, for the first time EVER, 5 blocks to the coffee shop to get some coffee (and I felt pretty amazing, which was amazing). I got a hold of my dear dear friend Elery asking if she had my keys. I text a couple other friends, cuz’ who KNOWS where my keys were). Finally, I decided I had nothing better to do, so why not clean my really super messy house? Upon cleaning out the kitchen sink, I found my keys!!! Yep, I lost my keys in my kitchen sink.
Anyway, I begged for my life to change and I am ecstatically happy to let you know it has! I don’t even know to what depths yet because the magic moments are too many to count. Though, I do know, God answers prayers. I have had WAY TOO many of mine answered these days for them not to be grace granted. It’s no longer a coincidence.
I still don’t know where I’m going to live, what I’m going to do, what my life is going to look like, or really anything; however, I’m in the mystery of it all still and plan to be for quite some time. I’m amazed and fascinated and really curious about where I’ll end up, but until then, I’m more than happy to just figure it out as I go.
I have never been more happy, more grateful, more filled with joy over my future based on a radical decision to leave my previous life. Tonight, I got to witness the most amazing children sing the most amazing Kirtan. I have been cared for, my every need anticipated, my every hearts yearning (that I had no idea about) satiated and my every prayer heard. I have seen men being men, holy people being holy people, women being women, and life being lived how it should be. I can only speak of it in this description right now, because I’m still in it. I have stayed at a Krishna temple and eaten the most amazing food and woken up at 4:30am so I could go pray. I have stayed at a Vedic Farm seen orphans revel in God and woken up at 4:30am so I could go pray.
My life has changed.
A Word on Packing:
I packed too much. I actually would like to send some stuff to my sister and am trying to keep myself from sending most of it. I am looking to send back 3 long sleeve tops, 2 pair of yoga pants, 2 pair of socks, some electronic stuff that’s redundant and some other gift type stuff that I’ve acquired. I am left with 3 t-shirts, 3 tank tops (yoga, sleep, undershirt), 2 leggings (I’m not far from losing 1 because of wear), 3 skirts (I bought one that I love) 3 pair of pants (one is for sleeping, 1 for yoga, 1 for every day wear), a couple pair of undies, some sports bras, 2 pair of socks, sneakers, flip flops that are on their last feet, a hair towel, 3 scarves (one of the smartest things I did was pack these. I have a couple oversized scarves and one has doubled as a sheet regularily and I am lending another out right now. The other is small and diaphanous and often is a hair covering for me (like a bandana) they’re brilliant), and a bunch of toiletries and stuff. I wash clothes once or twice a day, depending on the activity and I’m fine. No one cares if I wear the same clothes every other day. Really. I promise.
I have to sleep now so I can get up at 4:30am.
Hari Bol!
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