India 3.1

So, that happened. “That” being Vrindavan, India. They say, if you want to see Vrindavan, if you want to experience Vrindavan, if you want to feel Vrindavan, you must take a guide. A guide must take you behind the veil of poverty, dust, seeming destitution. Once one has walked behind that veil, one may never leave Vrindavan. I experienced that. I had the most amazing guides, the most amazing leaders, the most amazing introduction to the sweet, juicy, nectar filled world of Vrindavan.  I get it. I didn’t want to leave and I am craving my next visit, like they said I would. So much happened, I cannot even begin to explain it all. 

Let’s start with some practical information:

Some personal hygiene. 

Neti Pot. Neti Pot. Neti Pot. When you are traveling in a dusty, dry and dirty area, Neti Pot as much as possible. I haven’t been as much as I could, but believe me, all that gets stuck in your nose. It’s worth a run through of some salty water to clean you up.

Left Hand Watchers.  You know who you are.  Yeah, if you’re going to be in India for any amount of time,  one may as well get over it and just deal with ‘it’.  You know what 'it' is. Here’s an interesting thought. I’ve never witnessed someone come out of the bathroom and not wash their hands here, in some form or another. America? All the time.  Think about that next time you dive into the ‘community’ pretzels at work. :)  BHAHAHAHAHAHA. I’m still not perfect at the whole Indian toilet thing, but; getting there. 

Internet. Yeah, not super reliable.

Plans. They can change, and change a LOT!

I was supposed to be in Goa tonight, instead I’m on the complete other side of the country in Mayapor for a huge festival called Guara Pranema... 

It’s 8:30 and I’m going to bed because I’m tired and want to wake up at 3:30 for morning  prayer (it’s earlier in some temples).

Spiritual Pilgrims:

If you spend many months intently praying to God, begging for association with whatever that looks like for you, wanting your life to change with every cell in your body and you sincerely make the effort for that to happen; don’t be surprised when it does.  It happens. I’m a testament to that.  Clearly, I can't say that enough... right?

More later... 

India 2.4, 2.5

So, if you go to India for a Spiritual Pilgrimage, and your heart is set, deeply, on your desires; do not be surprised if everything you thought would happen changes to exactly what you need. 

I came here for approximately 4 months. I had the first month and a half planned out. 2 weeks at an ashram in South India, 2 weeks at Amma’s Ashram in South India, 2 weeks at a yoga retreat center in Goa (central West India) and then whatever. So, the first 2 weeks happened. I’m now into week 3 and find myself in Vrindavan for a 6 day stay and after the 6 days, I go back to Mumbai to stay in the Temple for an extended stay (that means, I’m not sure how long).  My hearts yearning has been strong and consistent and focused, though very open to the outcome. I am finding myself in awe that I have come to be at this point.  

One of my travel companions mis-booked her flight home which has changed our trip.  (It’s easy to do, I showed up in Africa an entire day earlier than an entire group of 14 or so, so it’s been done.)  This allowed for our schedule to change and me to ask if I can go back to Radhagopinath Temple once our trip is over. The answer, yes.  We then got to decide about the last week of our trip, which included a trip up to Rishikesh and Haridwar. We have decided to stay in Vrindavan and soak up, sink into, relish and roll around in the sweet nature of the amazing city of Krishna’s home. My heart couldn’t be happier about these 2 changes in my schedule. Also, funny. The yoga retreat place had something go wrong with their restaurant and it seems the email from them explaining that that leg would be different was just part of the magic of the entire thing.  

Spiritual Travel Tip:

In some of these cities, you must have an ‘insider’ guide. Someone who knows how the city/temple/whatever works. This way, you get to go behind the veil, pull back the curtain and see the wizard. We are being led around by the most beautiful people who are filling us up with the most amazing information and teaching us to our hearts content. I’m so excited for our tour tomorrow of we don’t even know, by Lila, who has lived here for 7 years. I’m sure only more and more revelations will come.

Toiletries Packing Tip:

Unless you are really married to your soap, shampoo, etc. I say leave it at home and buy here. I have a great brand of shampoo and soap that I bought for something around $5. That’s shampoo, conditioner, soap and face wash all for $5, oh yeah and a new toothbrush.

I’m all over the board tonight. Haven’t had internet for days and am actually dreading when I do have it again, I’m not interested in “what’s out there” right now... interesting. I might have actually reached technology detox... that would be something amazing.  I need to sleep now. Morning Arati (prayer) is 1/2 hour earlier here. So, I must wake up at 4:10.

Blessings to you on your journey. May it be filled with all the magic needed for your hearts desires to come true.

India 2.5

A week without Internet. I can’t tell you how grateful I am that I haven’t had the internet, plus, I’m actually thinking I’ve done a good job detoxing from it. 

India 2.2 and India 2.3

This morning, I got up at 4:30 to go pray. Yep, me. There are two things in that very short sentence that will shock a bunch of people I know.  1. I got up at 4:30.  2. To pray.  And, I plan on doing it again tomorrow.  

And then, we leave one of the most amazing places I’ve ever been.  With serenades of car horns and the lights of the city of Mumbia in the background, Radhagopinath Temple is a sanctuary of love, devotion, and service in action.  The community here has touched my soul with joy and happiness and awe.  The air is filled with the Maha Mantra and everyone is welcomed with love and acceptance.  

As a woman, in this community, I have many questions and worries. I wonder what does the Hindu world, the Krishna Conscious world think of an outspoken, exuberant, ‘powerful’ western woman? I don’t do meek and mild mannered very well. I know, you’re shocked by that confession.  The answer has been unfolding very beautifully. Though there are FAR fewer women than men and the Brahmacharis are the heart of the heart of community; I have felt watched over, protected, accepted (joyfully), included, and encouraged. Not only by the Brahmacharis as well as the women. I haven’t had an encounter yet where I haven’t felt like there hasn’t been a Mataji (Mother) looking out for me and many sisters including me.  I have done some Men’s and Women’s work on my path and am eternally grateful for it in this moment.  To have reverence and understand the differences between the Brotherhood and Sisterhood is serving me well. Instead of being resentful of the fact that I can’t ‘play’ with the guys, I get to feel a part of the fold of the girls.  I honor the men and their initiations and their circles and after an initial glance toward the love filled mosh pit (Thanks Vanessa for that description, it’s perfect), I didn’t look back because us women were doing our own dance (the Indian Electric Slide) and it was lovely.  I continue to have questions and they will continue to get answered I’m sure; and I look forward to the continual unfolding.  

There is so little I feel like I can ‘write on paper’ about the last few days because no matter the situation, I keep coming back to gratitude. I am so excited to learn, see, do and I am speechless in gratitude of what I have seen, learned and done.  I am a mix of reverence, observance, wonder and joy that my life has brought me to this moment.

And the FOOD???? I mean, the food is absolutely incredible! I am in heaven with food... Just saying.

So much is so deeply personal, I haven’t found a way to express it yet. So, hopefully you can be happy with my sincerest gratitude.  

Jai (victory) Life

Jai 

Jai

Jai

~Dylan

Words of Advice:

I am in, by no means, a position to offer advice; however comma.  Don’t quit your job, change your life, beg, cry, demand, I mean really beg, pray, get on your knees on the earth, beg, lie on your bathroom floor begging for your life to change; if you don’t want it to.  

I did all of that, and it has.  Many people have likened my journey to “Eat, Pray, Love” a fantastic book. Mine is different order and looks different; however, I definitely have had a “bathroom floor” moment(s) (okay, I’ll cop to many bathroom floor moments). I definitely have had to take some serious “stock” of my life and look at where I am in it and decide if it’s a life worth living. Not that I was ever close to suicide, just that I had pretty much lost all hope. I was on the bathroom floor, many of those times puking because I’d been out drinking myself stupid the night before. Then, when I’d built up enough tolerance to not be a puker, I was on the bathroom floor because I couldn’t get out of bed or cried on my way to work, every day.  It was a bleak picture for me. I felt stuck, I was.  I felt trapped, I was. So, I begged, begged. I actually started praying to God back then because I needed something to prove to me that “this” was going to change.  I was one of those, “You know God,” I said, “this is kind of your last chance.  I need you to show yourself to me because I need something, anything to go right. I’ve never really truly believed in you and here’s your chance to prove to me that you do exist.”  Then my boss got fired, thank God (really), and it was too late. I was too far gone. I knew, in my core, that I needed to change everything. So, I begged some more. 

I went through the motions for some of the time. Because I was a big believer in “fake it ‘till you make it” mentality.  I knew it could only get better.  I mean, it had to right? I mean, seriously. I once went out drinking with my friends (thank GOD for them!!! They are the most amazing people on the face of the earth. Without them, I would have been in a horrible, horribly scary place), woke up the next morning and couldn’t find my keys. I walked, for the first time EVER, 5 blocks to the coffee shop to get some coffee (and I felt pretty amazing, which was amazing). I got a hold of my dear dear friend Elery asking if she had my keys. I text a couple other friends, cuz’ who KNOWS where my keys were). Finally, I decided I had nothing better to do, so why not clean my really super messy house? Upon cleaning out the kitchen sink, I found my keys!!! Yep, I lost my keys in my kitchen sink. 

Anyway, I begged for my life to change and I am ecstatically happy to let you know it has! I don’t even know to what depths yet because the magic moments are too many to count.  Though, I do know, God answers prayers. I have had WAY TOO many of mine answered these days for them not to be grace granted.  It’s no longer a coincidence. 

I still don’t know where I’m going to live, what I’m going to do, what my life is going to look like, or really anything; however, I’m in the mystery of it all still and plan to be for quite some time. I’m amazed and fascinated and really curious about where I’ll end up, but until then, I’m more than happy to just figure it out as I go.

I have never been more happy, more grateful, more filled with joy over my future based on a radical decision to leave my previous life. Tonight, I got to witness the most amazing children sing the most amazing Kirtan. I have been cared for, my every need anticipated, my every hearts yearning (that I had no idea about) satiated and my every prayer heard. I have seen men being men, holy people being holy people, women being women, and life being lived how it should be.  I can only speak of it in this description right now, because I’m still in it. I have stayed at a Krishna temple and eaten the most amazing food and woken up at 4:30am so I could go pray. I have stayed at a Vedic Farm seen orphans revel in God and woken up at 4:30am so I could go pray.  

My life has changed.

A Word on Packing:

I packed too much.  I actually would like to send some stuff to my sister and am trying to keep myself from sending most of it. I am looking to send back 3 long sleeve tops, 2 pair of yoga pants, 2 pair of socks, some electronic stuff that’s redundant and some other gift type stuff that I’ve acquired.  I am left with 3 t-shirts, 3 tank tops (yoga, sleep, undershirt), 2 leggings (I’m not far from losing 1 because of wear), 3 skirts (I bought one that I love) 3 pair of pants (one is for sleeping, 1 for yoga, 1 for every day wear), a couple pair of undies, some sports bras, 2 pair of socks, sneakers, flip flops that are on their last feet, a hair towel, 3 scarves (one of the smartest things I did was pack these. I have a couple oversized scarves and one has doubled as a sheet regularily and I am lending another out right now. The other is small and diaphanous and often is a hair covering for me (like a bandana) they’re brilliant), and a bunch of toiletries and stuff. I wash clothes once or twice a day, depending on the activity and I’m fine. No one cares if I wear the same clothes every other day. Really. I promise.

I have to sleep now so I can get up at 4:30am.

Hari Bol!

India 2.1

So, second leg. I’m including a quick excursion to Varkala as part of my second step of my Journey.  I left the Ashram a day early and went to Varkala, by the sea, where quite a few people I’d met in Neyyer Dam were going.  I met a great new friend who I shared a room with for the night and we ended up running into quite a few people. Varkala is a mix between a temple town, I’ll admit I didn’t visit any, and a tourist destination by the sea. An entire strip of the land by the cliffs and the water is one booth after another of clothing, Indian wares, restaurants, hotels, inns, jewelry, so on and so forth. Rarely is there space left available.  I had a bit of a shopping bug in me and managed to keep it down to a new colorful outfit, surely to be seen in pictures, some anklets and a skirt.  I definitely packed badly for the trip. I’ll get into that more later.  We had a beautiful room at the ends of the cliff; so quieter, with a pool and a deck with a lovely view of the sea in the near distance. It was absolutely what I needed after the last few weeks and so worth the extra expense of the trip over. If ever you find yourself in Southern India, swing by Varkala. There are Ayurvedic shops, yoga, temples, shopping, and really anything one could want in a lovely ocean setting.  I highly recommend it! We had a lovely Italian dinner and I couldn’t have been happier when my dear Sweet Alison and her boyfriend walked by us!!! We didn’t know if we were going to be 2 ships passing in the night as I had no idea where she was staying and she wasn’t sure when I was making it in, so I said a little prayer that I hoped we ran into each other and how happy could I be that we did!? We hadn’t seen each other since Yoga Teacher Training Graduation, December 12, in LA! She sends her love to everyone back in LA, by the way. She is amazing, absolutely amazing as usual... <3 my Bhakti Sister Alison!  Hopefully, our paths will cross again in Dharamsala next month... We also got to run into some of our Ashram ex-pats... It was such a wonderful night full of joy and laughter and great new friends. Hopefully my path will cross with theirs again as well... What great, great people! Here’s to you David (please thank Billy for that amazing green lemonade thing, it was divine), Paddy (Superhawk), Vari, and Fran!!!! Blessings to all of you on your paths!!!! I also got a GREAT picture of some North Face gear on mannequins dressed for the Himalayas, that I can’t wait for my TNF friends to see... I love seeing that stuff when I’m traveling. This was funnier though because they were super bundled up and ready to go when it was 100F yesterday...

Mumbai:

I now find myself in the Radhagopinath Temple in Chowpatty, outside of Mumbai. This is the home of Radhanath Swami, whom I met last year at Bhakti Fest. To say he has had a profound affect on me is an understatement.  If you’ve read “Autobiography of a Yogi” by Paramansa Yogananda I highly recommend his book “The Journey Home” by Radhanath Swami. And, if you struggle with Autobiography of a Yogi, Radhanath Swami’s book is a perfect book for you... 

In short, he is a Swami in India, from Chicago. He came to India in 1969, in search... What he found and has created is powerful and far reaching. He is the first “Holy Man”, for lack of a better term, who has been able to ‘speak to me’. I liken it to finding a Pastor or Father in a church, as a Christian, who can deliver the message of God in a way you understand.  It’s all God, right? HHRS (His Holiness Radhanath Swami) has done this for me. He has painted a picture, told many stories and explained the human relationship with God in a way that completely personalizes it for me.  He is one of the people in my life who has brought me God.  

I have a long and interesting relationship with religion.  I have, in essence, rejected organized religion all my life.  This relationship has shifted over the last year.  I pray. I talk to God, in many forms.  I sing to God. I sing about God. I talk to God.  I still have ‘issue’ with dogma and some of the interpretations of the words of God; however, not necessarily the word of God Himself. This, along with my teacher training, the leap of faith I took last year and study of the Bhagavad Gita have profoundly affected my human relationships as well as my divine relationships.  What I appreciate about Hindu philosophy is it’s inclusion and acceptance of all faiths and religions; though, you will still most likely never find me as a secularist, an exclusionist or preachy. I include your belief and the guy in the streets belief and find no fault in how we each choose to have a relationship with the divine, whatever you want to call the divine; be it Krishna, Science, God, Jesus, Kali, Allah, Cosmic, whatever... It’s all good.  

So, today marks the beginning of a journey with HHRS. I am absolutely speechless in gratitude that this is happening for me. I was bereft when I saw him last and didn’t know when I would be able to partake in his wisdom again. That my path has brought me here, now, is amazing.  How lucky.  My path has been so blessed. So, the next few posts, I’m sure, will shift from a very physical experience to a much more metaphysical and deeply personal (on a whole different level) experience.  Rarely do I feel nerves for what’s ahead for me. I generally meet most experiences with excitement and eyes wide.  Because I feel some of this nervousness I know there is something rich, deep and transformative for me here.  I am open to and excited to this next step.

Until next time friends.

Side note, my “getting here” was a complete and utter jeux-to-position of my getting here at the ashram.  Prem Gauranga Das picked me up at the airport and was the perfect greeting for me.  Jason showed me around the temple grounds, imparting some of his great wisdom of the lineage and the “why’s” of being Hindu and we sat and had an absolutely beautiful dinner sharing stories.  I feel so cared for and welcome and ‘held’.  My wellspring of gratitude is finding it’s depths, that’s for sure.

India 1.3 (new labeling system - leg one, 3rd entry):

POWER:

I’m so excited I can barely stand it! I have POWER!!! So, Jerry, my step-dad, went to Best Buy before I left. I asked him if he could get me a charger for my little camera. He came back with this big honkin’ thing that changed out for different battery types. Unfortunately, not both of my camera batteries fit in it, but it came along anyway because it works for one of them. Randomly, on the back of that thing has some sort of converter that just slips over the 2 prongs of a plug. AND WORKS!!!!!! I found it today in my bags when I was going through my camera battery stuff and started futzing around with it... and, well, tickle me pink. I have power!!!! My poor roommate and I have been bumming converters from the approximately 6 American’s who are here (she left her converter in her hotel)... It’s been pretty comical. Now, 2 days before she leaves, I have power... Good news though, no?!?!

It’s the little things in life that make us infinitely happy... This is one of them! Whoot Whoot!

Speaking of power. Don’t expect consistent internet usage (even when they say you’ll have it) or consistent power in India. That may be a duh statement, but just don’t. A bunch of us sit at the internet wi-fi area just waiting and hoping that the internet will go on during it’s appointed time like crack addicts... What am I going to DO without FACEBOOK for another WHOLE day???? :)

PANCHAKARMA:

Days 10-14 have been thoroughly interesting. The good news about repetition, is hopefully one gets to learn from the previous experience, right? As soon as I thought I might be getting into the swing of things and managing through the PK and ashram life, little and big enema days hit me. Since we’ve gotten so familiar with bodily functions, why bother couching my words now? I’ve explained little enema day... It’s nothing.  Big enema laughs in the face of little enema.  We’re talking a cup of honey, a cup of oil, a cup of mineral water, medicine, powder stuff and the kitchen sink. About 4 cups of liquid... they had me count during the administering process... oh yeah, count ‘em. 104 and 170 (!!!!!)...  And then wait...  I guess I should have taken a hint, the first time, when the girls were standing over me and I’m lying on the table and they both go, “Dylan???? Toilet????” Nope, I’m fine... a couple minutes later... “Dylan???!!! Toilet???!!!” a couple minutes later, “Dylan, get up, Toilet”... Let’s suffice it to say, when they think you should be going, just get up and go, waiting is no noble task... (I’ve had similar issues in the past because of the fact that my insides aren’t exactly where they’re supposed to be and it affects the impression that say, my bladder is full. I had this crazy mean bitch doing and ultrasound on me when I was about 18 and after she pumped me full of 2 liters of water (and I was seriously in pain) did she go, “Now WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME YOU HAD A TILTED UTERUS???” Um, I’m 18, how would I know that??? That’s how I found out about that.  Best diagnosis process, e-v-e-r.  I didn’t remember this until later.)  Anyway, this was a brutal day for me. Let’s just say, if you go to the bathroom long enough, you can induce vomiting. This is a bad thing. It’s better to get up and moving, after a while, and then go back if you have to.  Then they wanted me to eat a big ol’ bowl of rice water... ohyeah, was not loving day 11 and 13.  I pretty much slept the entire rest of the day. Gals, I highly recommend wearing a skirt on these days. Gents, a skirt too... why bother with pride and niceties, go for ease and comfort. :) Thank God I’ve packed 2 skirts (not part of the aforementioned 6 pair of bottoms, by the way - yeah, way too many bottoms were packed).  So, I alternated big and little enemas over the last few days of my PK. The good news: my hair and nails have never looked and felt better, it’s incredible. Tommy, my hair dresser, would be gushing over my hair. It feels that good, styling? not so much.  I’ve pretty much slept for days on end, so I’m pretty well rested. My guts, which were pretty distended and bloated, very uncomfortable all the time; feel light and comfortable. I know, that should not be surprising.

The upside to getting a PK in India: you are in the home of Ayurveda. Really, it’s on every street corner (beware by the way, make sure you go somewhere reputable or recommended. And women, NEVER get actual treatments from a man, treatments should always come from the same sex.). It’s a way of life and people in India, as in many European countries, live on herbs and homeopathy. I think filing our bodies with herbal remedies rather than concocted pharmaceuticals can only be good for us. This is a MUCH bigger discussion; however, I can speak after being on birth control, of some sort, for more than 1/2 my life and then anti-depressants, stuff started to go real wonky with me.  I started to be the one who went to the dr and was going to pile drug on top of drug because it became a domino effect. I was eating so many Excedrin, Tylenol, Motrin, Aleve, Advil and Tums daily that it’s a freaking miracle I didn’t have a raging ulcer.  So, I have limited experience with the pharmaceutical world. There are people who are on 10, 20+ medicines a day... Imagine... So, back to PK. What if we had got back to our natural core? What if we all figured out what our true baseline is and THEN treat ourselves from there? That’s what so much of this year has been for me. Find out who really is in here. Beyond the crust and protection I’ve built around myself, who is in here? What is my baseline? Where am I, again?  THEN, I get to move on from there. It’s been quite a process and one I’m clear is not over because of all that I’ve done over the last 8 or 9 months. I know there’s more. 

So, back to the benefit of doing a PK in India. Cost. Astronomically different. A 14 day PK in the States, generally speaking, is anywhere from $450 a day to $3,000, or more, a full course. In the research I did, it was unaffordable for a huge majority of the population.  In India, you can get a good PK for $450/14 days.  Again, you are in the home of Ayurveda and provided you find a place that you trust is real, the knowledge is everywhere. Also, generally speaking, you will be giving all of your attention to the PK with little outside distractions. If you can imagine that I’m tired of daily massages and treatments, I can only 1/2 imagine what it would be like in the states with additional stresses, work, etc. to contend with. This has been an all consuming process to say the very least. A swiss man and I were comparing the process, as much as we could, yesterday and the best thing he said is his room has been his jail. We have been very limited in what we can do, when we can do. My appetite has been all over the board, generally not hungry. My energy has been SUPER all over the board. I’ve had a place where I can go, sleep, rest, relax and no have to ‘deal’ per se. I am forever grateful for that.

The upside to getting a PK in the States: There is a distinct language barrier. I’m sure it’s different in different places; however, I have struggled with the need to know side of me. What’s in there? What will it do? What’s happening tomorrow? What kind of medicine is that? What is it treating? So on and so forth. This has been a big practice in my letting go, once again, and trusting. I do have a place I trust is going to treat me well, now I just have to trust the process with limited information.  I did get some herbs to take for the next month and some guidelines of what to eat/not to eat and other things that work for my dosha as an “exit interview”, luckily.  Other than that, no frills in India. Don’t mistake a series of 14 days of massages, etc with a spa vacation in India. It’s a medical treatment. Though my therapist is loving, wonderful, really truly cares and does her absolute best by me; this is no spa.  In the US, generally speaking; my impression s that it’s made to be a much more spa like experience.  

Generally, I think these are the largest trade offs. I am incredibly glad I have done this, at the beginning of my journey to wherever. I am so grateful to be able to have cleansed out as much as I have. Again, I don’t know that 14 days of PK is going to clear out everything and get me back to baby health, though; I believe I’m starting from a relative good baseline.  It’s a continual process and one I’m fascinated to see the long term effects of.

Moving On:

I’m leaving the ashram a day earlier than I thought. I have a friend who is staying by the beach down here, so I’m going to go stay there for a night before my flight to Bombay for my next leg.  India can be very laises-faire (hooked on phonics works for me). If you change your mind one day and decide to move on, no problem. You can roll into pretty much anywhere and find a place to stay for as long as you want. Virtually everyone here (predominately Europeans) are headed in a certain direction and will figure it out as they go. DO be aware of the major religious holidays, by the way. If I were to roll into Varanasi today, there would be a problem. Tomorrow is Shivaratri, one of the holiest of celebrations and Varanasi is the home of Shiva. Pretty sure I would have a problem finding a roof over my head over the next couple of days.  I do plan on going to Varanasi, later. I’ll update you on it then.  

Taxi Service Update:

When traveling here. Do your absolute best to either get a prepaid taxi or make sure you negotiate your fare before you get in. This way, it isn’t made up and a fair price.  

Back to getting here real quick:

So, I had my lovely tour of the ashram by my delinquent greeter, right? Turns out there are full on tours of the ashram. My roommate continually reminded me of all the stuff she found out by going on an official tour that I didn’t get. Like, it took me 2 days to find the filtered water station, I almost died of dehydration, thought I was going to... Yeah, getting here continues to crack me up.

2nd Edition

No one has to like absolutely EVERYTHING:

I have been instructed in meditation, yoga and pretty much any spiritual practice out there that not everything is for everyone. I strongly believe that people need to try all types out before they settle. Unless, miraculously, they walk into the exact right yoga class or start with the exact right type of meditation the very first shot; bravo to you.  I think when we find ourselves on the wrong path, it becomes obvious.  We become apathetic, we force ourselves, we speak negative words about, we dread whatever practice it is. This goes for work too. If we’re in the wrong career or wrong company, the same may apply. (Believe me, I know this one)  Just as some people absolutely swear by Bikram Yoga, and others couldn’t dread going into a 106 degree room more than anything else.  

The best thing is to be respectful, do your best and move on. The student will find their master as the master will find the student.  I say this because I’m pretty clear that the place where I’m at, is not my path.  It’s clearly the path for quite a few people here and enriching for some others and clearly not for others.  It’s interesting, to me, how polarizing I’ve seen the spiritual practice become.  I say, though, don’t give up hope. Don’t believe your first drink from the well is your last. Keep drinking.  We all find our path if we are looking with earnestness and passion.

I feel blessed, in this life, to have been struck deeply by a book I read when I was about 12.  A young white girl gets lost in the Australian Outback.  She remembers what one of her farm hands told her.  When someone gets lost, they start looking for landmarks. A tree, walks to it. A creek bed, walks to it.  A boulder, walks to it. The premise is, eventually one is walking the path of their family and will meet up with their family.  She does this, meets her ‘family’, and is safely brought ‘home’.  I have lived my life this way. One landmark after another.  Some may call it short sighted, some call it living in the moment.  I have rarely been able to answer the question of, “What’s your 5 year plan? What’s your 10 year plan?”  Seriously? I have no idea where I’m going to be. That rock has not appeared.  In the meantime, I will walk along this creek bed and revel in the river rock and the feel of the sand in between my toes.  I love living this way.  I generally am not thinking about 2 or 3 landmarks from now, just have my head up looking for the next one.  I have been able to live an extraordinary life this way. One I am generally proud of. 

May you all find your ‘family’.  May you find the melody that makes your heart sing and your soul find comfort. May you find home.

Panchakarma:

So, I’m feeling almost 100%. Dealing with a lingering cough and blowing my nose something fierce, still... But, I’ve got hope that this too shall pass, and soon.  

Since our last installment, I’ve experienced quite a bit in the PK.  I had a couple days of Shirodhara. This is when a continuous stream of warm oil is focused on the forehead/third eye area for an extended period of time. It’s a powerful experience. I found myself, at first, observing myself. I felt the oil, the smooth flow of it and then I started to relax. It was lovely. At one point, Sindul (my therapist) rubbed my forehead and it felt tingly and sensitive.  The last day of Shirodhara, I kept falling asleep and jerking and sleeping and jerking. It was funny. It was like being in a deep state of meditation and just going past the veil.  On each Shirodhara day, I would get Nasya. Nasal drops. I’ve been using an Ayurvedic trained friend of mine as a consultant because my therapist isn’t well enough versed in english for me to adequately get my answers of what’s this, what’s that, what does it do, so on and so forth. Nasya administers herbs and treatments quickly as there is a this barrier between the nose and the brain. 

Purgation day. Root word: Purge.  I went to the clinic and had to drink a cup of this herbal concoction. It was like very dense dirt, almost. Very spicy too. Then I was handed a kettle, told to go to my room, drink a cup of warm water every 10 minutes. Wait. Another man was walking around with his kettle at the same time, it was like a brotherhood symbol. We both knew what we were in for.  I went back to my room and within an hour, massively threw up my herbal concoction... oh yeah, pretty sure that wasn’t the aim. So, I walked my happy self back to the clinic, reported in. She said, keep drinking the water and if no bathroom, tomorrow we will try a different medicine. I think I was kind of cheating, because purge I did. I can’t even begin to imagine what my experience would have been had I not thrown up... yeah, messy.  Needless to say, I was pretty empty.  I used toilet and toilet paper for this experience, in case any of you lefty questioners were wondering!

Today, started the enema process. Let’s just say I’ve never had one, so I’m nervous right? I go in, and proceed to get a massage. The entire time all I can repeat instead of Ram, Ram, Ram, Ram is Enema, Enema, Enema, Enema... pretty sure NOT the healing message I was trying for with Ram, Ram, Ram. :) I was fixated, to say the very least!  So, after my usual daily massage and hot herbal compress tap down, THEN I got the treatment. “Little One, today,” she says, as she pours a large bowl of oil... Sweet, this means tomorrow I get a big one... can’t WAIT to see the size of that bowl.  All in all, it was an easy process and all is going well. 

Karma Yoga:

I’m starting to get into the swing of things as I feel like I can manage the PK, I’m not sick as a dog (how sick is a dog by the way?) and I am somewhat regulated, I guess. We do an hour of Karma Yoga a day, I have created a very symbiotic Karma yoga process. This lovely strong man from Manchester lugs these hugely heavy bins of produce waste, from the Health Hut, to the compost pile and I wash them out. Bravo. I feel like a participating member of Karma Yoga after struggling with how to get the massively huge bins to the compost pile as I am not a large and strong man... :)  I figure I’ll just be really getting into the swing of things as it’s time for me to leave the ashram and move on. 

Week 1

Week 1:

So, I really wish I could write my thoughts while lying awake at night. I think it would be rather entertaining and very complete. For now, we’ll have to go with what I think I remember...  

I've decided to write, as is, no real editing especially since (as you'll read) I seem to be on a bit of a power borrowing system... 

I have so many subjects to cover so I’ll go by topic of interest.

Getting here:

So, 36 hours of travel (I know it’s not 36 hours, but that is what the clock says, so I’m taking it) a little over an hour taxi ride (my cabbie took a wrong turn) and I made it to the Ashram.  

Side note, I think I figured out the honking thing.  So, because everyone drives as insane speeds for the terrain, or crazy for the congested areas, there is no real in sight driving. So, if you honk, at least ones sense of hearing is being alerted, right? There is definitely a hierarchy. Pedestrian, bicycle (some of these people should look into professional cycling considering the terrain they get over on clunky single speeds around here!!!), Scooter/Motorcycle (how an entire family of 4 fits on one of these, I’m not sure I’ll ever know), rickshaw, car, truck (depending on the size of the truck), bus.  A tap or a couple taps means look out, I’m here/coming around the corner/going to pass/etc. Laying on the horn means I’m really about to pass or you’ve pissed me off.  It’s actually got a sense of order to it once put to those terms. We’ll see if that completely gets thrown out next time I’m out there.

  

Anyway, getting here is important because it cracked me up.

I check into the Ashram and get my greeter person to make sure I understand everything.  He then starts to show me around. Turns out he’s only been at the Ashram for a day and isn’t really sure what all the buildings are called. But, he does his best. We walk by a pool of water and he says “I’m not sure what that is but it’s kind of gross.”  We are walking around and he says, “Usually there’s this really weird music playing, I don’t know why but it’s not playing right now.”  He shows me the health hut (what has become my salvation while I couldn’t eat a full meal) and tells me to get there early because the fruit always runs out.  He takes me to the kitchen to get me food, when really I’m just dying of thirst, and tells me that the plates are washed but it’s never enough, is it (turns out they get washed no less than 2 times before they’re used again).  He admits he’s never done yoga. I ask him how he managed to get here.  His mother and brother are graduates here. After watching him for a few days I think he might be the younger “troubled” son who needs a little structure and is here to get it. It absolutely cracked me up that I got this kid who seemed to not be able to answer any questions, point out anything and generally show disdain for everything he was showing me. It was an odd entry.  My last few days have been consumed with finding the quickest, most efficient way to the Ayurvedic clinic and back to my bed, so it turns out it wasn’t terribly important. Now I’m excited to go explore some and really figure it all out.

Packing:

For my family who watched me unpack and pack about 47 times before I left you will either not be surprised AT ALL or totally surprised that I have something to say on this matter. I am not sure what I was thinking during the final pack. But, here are some tips for success if you’re planning a 4-8 month pack trip, half of which you need to have your shoulders covered... separate your piles of tops into sleeve length. I have 5 tank tops, 3 long sleeve shirts and 3 t-shirts. Yep, 3 t shirts. Who did that? I did! Now, I also have something like 6 pairs of bottoms... this one I can somewhat justify (we’ll get to later) because you never know with bottoms. But, here is my advice. Ladies, 2 MAYBE 3 pair of harem pants and a pair of travel pants (I just wear yoga pants) and you’re good to go. Rarely will you be somewhere where you can’t wash your clothes or get them washed. I know I’ve read that 112 times on the internet but really, it’s the truth. 

Now, here’s the really important bit. CHECK YOUR CONVERTER before you go. Check every country you plan on going to and check what converter you need. One of the reasons you haven’t heard from me is because I’m conserving energy because, you guessed it, my handy dandy super converter doesn’t work here. Who’s the smart cookie? And, ironically, my roommate left her converter in the hotel on accident so we’re both begging borrowing and stealing for power. It’s kind of funny and really not considering how much technology I’m lugging around.

The neat thing though? Even though I could have swapped out a pant or two for a t shirt or two, I got on the plane in Dulles with a 35 lb. pack. I’m pretty house proud (to borrow a term) of the fact that I am a notorious under or over packer and I managed to do that. Now, we can add on the lb’s I had on my carry on of computer and such and we’re probably hitting 40, but really, who’s the good girl here?

I’m absolutely 1,000,000% sure I’ll have more to say on this subject later as I get into my travels. I have a billion baggies full of all sorts of supplies (I’m pretty much ready to do triage if the next world war breaks out) and I can’t wait to see what I learn about having all of these goods means. 

Panchakarma:

Ayurveda is the sister science (I write this as a picture of some serious empty bottles, cans and such from what must be Niobrera or some other event shows up as my computer desktop) of yoga. I know just enough to be dangerous about this so anyone who wants to chime in and correct me, please do.  It is based on a Dosha premise. Everyone has a leading dosha and generally a secondary dosha. Often times what happens to someone is their doshas get out of balance. An Ayurvedic Dr. will diagnose your doshas, based on a whole host of information, and your imbalance and a multi day cleanse will ensue.  One of the biggest things I wanted to experience here, while in India, was a Panchakarma.  I have put myself and been through a whole host of crap that I’m sure have got me all sorts of whacked out. I’ve done as much as I can from a therapy, yoga, rest, eat, you name it point of view. I really really wanted to have a Panchakarma. So, day one, literally hour 1, I get my happy butt walked over to the Ayurvedic clinic here and interrupt a class... yeah, slick. I go BACK at the correct hour and sit down with the Dr. He looks at me and says, you must be Kapha/Pitta (anyone who knows me and knows Ayurveda, that’s pretty evident) and says, “You have PECOS, no?” Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.  I’ve never gotten the test, it’s a testosterone test; however, you should get a load of the honeycomb of my ovaries, they’re lovely, if that’s what you’re going for. Then he says, “is there anything else I should know.” Me, in my infinite wisdom decide apparently I’ve been well my whole life and tell him no. He takes my wrist, takes my pulse and says, “You have problems with your uterus.” Ahah! The flood gates open. (I figure I’m writing a full blog here, you know or you don’t, but you’re getting all the details). Duh, no, I am NOT a picture of lifelong health. Yes, you’re right Dr. I have a birth defect called a bicornuate uterus (something happened during my 13th week gestation and those cells decided they weren’t going to form correctly, I have a mild case, but this means I have a heart shaped/2 uteri). “What else?” he asks. It’s tilted. “Your pulse is telling me these things, you must tell your Dr. your health history.” I’m hooked. I mean really?????? Who does that? He asks about my thyroid, (I really thought something was wrong with my thyroid last year and got it checked).  Apparently I have nothing short of a few of the symptoms of imbalanced thyroid. And then he tells me, “You’ve struggled with depression, no?” So, essentially, I didn’t have to tell him my history, he got it all from my pulse.  All of this, and he sets up my next 14 days of treatments. He tells me when I’m done, I’ll feel much better. I’m stoked, because this means I’m getting a massage every day, right?

RIIIIIIIGHT... First 3 days are Massage for Weight Loss.  My massage lady (who I’m embarrassed, I have no idea what her name is, I’ve been so sick I could really only get myself there and back every day, but I’ll get it) rubs me down with what I can only describe as a sawdust like sand substance.  I rather like the smell, the first day, when I can smell.  So imagine my fear when I’m already crazy hot and she starts a fire and during the entire rub down all I can hear is boiling and percolating. Am I about to be boiled??? Luckily, this turns out to be a steam so the medicine can work.  I’m not to shower for at least 6 hours, so off I go on my merry way sawdusty/sand caked everywhere. That’s when the sick starts. Fever, headache (full migraine), sore, can’t sleep, only sleep, sweat, awfulness.  I woke up at midnight on Friday morning Thursday night and was up all night. When it was finally time for Satsang I went up to the Siva Hall, gave my observances to Siva and begged for relief, and lied down on the ground so it would be cooler, and cried. Just cried. I begged Siva, Krishna, Ram, everyone and anyone to come help me.  When I tell you I felt bad, I don’t remember feeling this sick. It was absolute torture. I hurt too much to even sleep through it, I think that was the worst part of it all. I managed through Friday and Saturday, going to the Dr. every chance I could. His pills he gave me were miraculous, until they ran out. Saturday night, Sunday morning, I woke up around 1am with another doozy. Until then, I was either so out of it to think and/or I was trying to be as observant of the Ayurvedic medicine as I could. That night, no way was I going through another round of the hell from the night before, I found my bottle of potpourri drugs and took an aleve and slept for hours.  Saturday I felt marginally better than Sunday. Sunday better than Saturday. Great, right. Until I wake up with a full blown massive cold/flu.  I figure this is just the last umpteen kids who had a cold I stayed with on my way out of the country and some panchakarma kicking in too. The cough hurt my body so much, I would have to brace myself for it.  Yeah, awesome. Luckily, my treatment changed on Sunday. 

Now we moved into a full body oil massage followed by a herbal bundle hot oil pat down.  Once again, the fire is  lit here and the oil is heated right in my view. Ohmigod is pretty much all I can think.  What I haven’t told you is during my treatments, I’m chanting the name Ram over and over and over. They say, when you chant the name of Ram, the past can be undone and miracles can happen. I’m pretty sure (my logical brain says) that the last couple years of abuse and neglect on my body can’t be undone in 14 days; however, (my believer brain - which I had an amazing dream about during hell night) believes. So, I’m chanting Ram with every hand stroke, with every pressure point touch, with every breath, with every tap of the really freaking hot bundles of herbs. 

Ram Ram Ram Ram Ram Ram Ram Ram Ram Ram Ram Ram Ram Ram Ram Ram Ram Ram Ram Ram Ram Ram Ram Ram Ram Ram Ram Ram Ram Ram Ram Ram 

over and over and over and over again.  Because I believe. I made a choice, when I quit my job, to trust that this was the right decision. That my path would open in front of me. That all would be okay. And, it really has. So, I need to not hold back my belief here. I always have stopped here, this time I’m believing 100%. No a la carte believing, right?

So, today, I go for my second day of hot oil all body massage, the Dr. gave me some cough syrup (turns out coughing is really not a good thing for panchakarma) and more pills (ahhhh, the wonderful pills) and I’m actually somewhat human. Not ready to dive into the quite rigorous schedule here (which I’m sure I’ll have more to say once I participate in a full day), but almost human. Thank God!

And finally, you’ve been waiting for it!

THE LEFT HAND!!!!

So, my first time I walked into the bathroom all noble and ready for, you know, the left hand experience, and there was a roll of toilet paper AND a toilet!!! I laughed and laughed and laughed... until the next time I walked in and there wasn’t.  I cried and cried and cried... no, I really didn’t, I’ve done enough of that. :)  So, the first couple days were a mixture of thank god for my wipes and, oh by the way, the boutique sells toilet paper.  Which has also been a godsend now that my nose has decided it needs to run 24/7... I’m not going to lie, the first day, or two, I have used the left hand (promptly washed). I figure I’m not always going to have this luxury option, am I? I’m not sure. So, I’m somewhat prepared.  I’ve made sure to use the hole in the floor enough times that I have good aim and can make it in the big bad world out there, when time need be. 

Enough of that, no?